Couples therapy

Sometimes you notice that your relationship is no longer running smoothly, that the connection is less or falling away, or that you both want different things. Then you may not be able to reach a solution together and may feel that you are stuck in the same pattern over and over again. In such times, couples therapy can be a valuable resource.

Couples therapy provides a place to explore and understand each other's needs and expectations. This can help restore a more supportive and loving relationship. With guidance and commitment, many relationships can significantly improve and flourish.

There is often the idea that a relationship should work out automatically, after we fell in love! That the amazing feelings from the beginning should just last. And if that doesn't happen that something is wrong. But there is a lot to learn about how relationships work, how the brain works in relationships and how we often unconsciously bring things from our past into our relationship. Couples therapy gives you insight into how these patterns work and offer you tools to work on breaking those patterns.

On average, it takes about seven years for couples with problems to take the step to relationship therapy. This is unfortunate, because many negative patterns then wear deeper. This makes it harder to get the relationship back into balance. The sooner you take the step to relationship therapy, the better you can work on the problems!

Couples therapy is always tailor-made and your specific situation is carefully looked into. I use the methods IMAGO therapy and Emotionally Focused Therapy. Below you will find more information on those forms of therapy.

Reasons to seek couples therapy

• Diverse needs, such as desire to have children, career and emigration
• Poor or difficult communication
• Mistrust after cheating
• Growing apart, for example due to personal development and/or a new phase in life
• Different desires in intimicy/sexuality
• Physical or emotional problems, such as grief, unemployment, trauma, depression, etc.
• Differences in norms and values, for example with regard to raising children
• Increasing or repeated arguments in the relationship
• Painful silences in which you feel that the distance between you is increasing

How I work

The first contact starts with an intake interview. During this session, we look together at what is going on in your relationship, what you are up against and what your desires are: what do you want differently, and where do you want to go? I listen without judgement and offer a safe space in which you are both heard. A sense of trust and a good connection are important to be able to work openly with each other.

Before the intake, I will send you an intake form. If it is possible to share this with each other, it helps to start in a focused manner.

In the sessions, you will actively get to work - with each other and with yourself. This is not only done through conversations, but also with exercises that help you to understand each other again, to feel emotions and to restore contact. In between sessions, you can receive assignments or reflections, so that what happens in the session also has an effect on your daily life.

Couples therapy takes place in an atmosphere of trust. Everything that is discussed during the sessions is treated confidentially by me. What is shared remains between you, unless you both choose to deal with it in a different way.

How long therapy will take, is difficult to predict. It depends on what ou want to work on, and your commitment and intention. On average, eight sessions are a good starting point, and you always keep control over the pace and length of the therapy.

You can pay per session, or opt for a series of six sessions. You can easily schedule appointments yourself via the link that I will send to my online agenda, at times that suit you.

Kosten

An couples therapy session lasts 75 minutes and costs €169,- (including VAT).

It is also possible to agree on a trajectory of six sessions. The costs for this trajectory are €970,- (including VAT).

You choose whether you pay per session or go for a trajectory — whatever suits your needs and process.

After registration, you will receive a link to my online agenda, where you can easily plan your appointments.

IMAGO Couples Therapie

Connection and feeling connected is actually the most heard desire of couples who come in with relationship problems. Connection is one of our strongest basic needs, and is literally vital. We are connected from the moment we come into the world with our first caregivers, and depend on them for our survival. So connection is in our DNA. That is why losing connection in the relationship, or threatening or thinking that connection is no longer there, is so intense and painful and causes us to go into our survival mode, the so-called fight/flight system.

You probably still remember that full and deep connection with your new partner from that first period of being in love. That has a very clear explanation from the philosophy of IMAGO couples therapy. Many couples wonder why conflicts, painful feelings, dissatisfaction, and a feeling of not being understood by the other arise afterwards. The feeling that you end up in repetetive patterns, where arguments or discussions always seem to end in the same thing and you do not get any further. In IMAGO couples therapy there is a new step that can be taken. If you are willing to look at your relationship you can learn to understand what is actually happening. Because in the end it is always logical that you do what you do. In this way you can consciously enter into your relationship together, and work towards more connectedness. You will feel better personally, stronger in your relationship and also outside of it.

There is a lot to learn about how relationships work. There is an explanation for what is happening to you now and that also gives the key to the things you can do to get out of it. That is not to say that is always easy, you have to be willing to work. But there is a lot to be gained by investing in your relationship.

IMAGO couples therapy is based on the idea that we are attracted to partners who reflect both the positive and negative traits of our early caregivers. This means that relationships can unconsciously trigger old pain points. From those pain points, we come into conflict with our partner. A kind of power struggle then arises that is actually a call for connection. Becoming more aware of those kinds of patterns provides an opportunity for resolving those pain points. Instead of seeing conflict as a problem, IMAGO couples therapy teaches that disagreements are actually an opportunity to grow together and strengthen the bond. By working together to become more aware of patterns and your own pain points, deep connection is re-established.

A central tool in this approach is the IMAGO dialogue, a structured way of communicating that promotes deep understanding and empathy. By practising this dialogue, you create a safe space for each other where honest and meaningful conversations can begin to take place. The great thing is that you also learn to be able to do this together, without guidance, so IMAGO offers you very effective tools to permanently feel that connection together.

IMAGO couples therapy is suitable for every couple whether you experience a sense of distance, deal with recurring conflicts, or simply want to deepen your connection. Through guided conversations and a focus on healing old wounds, you and your partner can build a more conscious and loving relationship.

EFT - Emotionally Focused Therapie

Emotionally Focused therapie kan goed helpen om de patronen in jullie relatie te ontrafelen. Het is een relatie therapie ontwikkeld door drs. Sue Johnson. Door jarenlang onderzoek heeft ze effectieve manieren gevonden om de verbinding tussen partners te verbeteren. Deze methode gaat ervan uit dan niemand is gemaakt om alleen te zijn en dat ieder mens zich goed voelt binnen een veilige en verbonden relatie. In die veilige aanwezigheid kun je meer aan.

Juist in intieme relatie kun je elkaar emotioneel raken en ook kwetsen. Vaak gebeurt dit uit angst om de ander kwijt te raken. Het kan gebeuren dat gevoelens van wederzijds respect en waardering ontbreken. EFT onderzoekt onderliggende emoties en de langdurige patronen die ontstaan zijn en wat dat met de relatie doet. De relatietherapie ondersteunt jullie om open en eerlijk daarover te kunnen praten. Zo leer je je partner én jezelf beter kennen. 

Emotionally Focused therapy can be very helpful in understanding the patterns in your relationship. It is a relationship therapy developed by Drs Sue Johnson. Through years of research, she has found effective ways to improve the connection between partners. This method assumes that no one is made to be alone and that every person feels good within a safe and connected relationship. In that safe presence, you can handle more.

Especially in intimate relationships, you can deeply connect with each other emotionally but also hurt each other. This often happens out of fear of losing the other person. Feelings of mutual respect and appreciation may be lacking. EFT explores underlying emotions and the long-term patterns that have arisen and what that does to the relationship. Couples therapy supports you to talk openly and honestly about this. This way, you get to know your partner and yourself better.

You may recognise that you experience the following feelings in your relationship:

• Not being good enough
• Feeling of inadequacy
• Rejection
• Not being seen
• Being dominated by your partner
• Feeling unloved
• Distrust and powerlessness
• Insecurity